invitation
I've been giving satsang to not being invited. In the language of NVC, I see being invited to play, to work, to visit as a strategy to meet the need for inclusion. One strategy of hundreds, yet the sense of not being invited has been a source of pain for everyone I've talked with about this.
Not getting picked for the team. Not getting asked to the prom. Not being included in major family decisions, work decisions, school decisions. And the flip side of not inviting, which has an equal measure of pain in it.
Like blaming, looking for invitations puts our happiness outside of ourselves.
I used Katie's questions to inquire. Katie likes the use of the word "should", so I framed it like this: "My friend should actively invite me to play to show care for me. My friend should say, 'I miss you. Won't you come and visit for a while?'"
One of the turn arounds I found was, "I should invite me to play to show care for me." What a relief--it's not up to someone else to determine if I play or not or if I feel cared for or not.
A question that held my attention in this inquiry was, "What would it be like to meet this person for the first time without having this thought?" Ah. Fresh start. No baggage to bring along.
I know my friend cares for my well-being, my happiness, and our friendship. This wanting something different contributes to stress for both of us. I don't want to gloss over the grief I feel in response to having less contact than I would like or having most of the contact initiated by me. But I would like to grieve fully the should-belief and then see what freshness comes in.
Invitation is about wanting to attract something. What I want most is to attract liberation of these beliefs that still hold dense should-thinking.
Not getting picked for the team. Not getting asked to the prom. Not being included in major family decisions, work decisions, school decisions. And the flip side of not inviting, which has an equal measure of pain in it.
Like blaming, looking for invitations puts our happiness outside of ourselves.
I used Katie's questions to inquire. Katie likes the use of the word "should", so I framed it like this: "My friend should actively invite me to play to show care for me. My friend should say, 'I miss you. Won't you come and visit for a while?'"
One of the turn arounds I found was, "I should invite me to play to show care for me." What a relief--it's not up to someone else to determine if I play or not or if I feel cared for or not.
A question that held my attention in this inquiry was, "What would it be like to meet this person for the first time without having this thought?" Ah. Fresh start. No baggage to bring along.
I know my friend cares for my well-being, my happiness, and our friendship. This wanting something different contributes to stress for both of us. I don't want to gloss over the grief I feel in response to having less contact than I would like or having most of the contact initiated by me. But I would like to grieve fully the should-belief and then see what freshness comes in.
Invitation is about wanting to attract something. What I want most is to attract liberation of these beliefs that still hold dense should-thinking.
posted by Forgive the Dream at 7:27 AM
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